40 Day Fast

Does God answer prayer?

If you were expecting a Yes or No answer, you don’t know me very well. And if you do know me, you might suspect correctly that it’s a trick question.

First, it’s not a good question. It’s not a well-framed question because it is based on assumptions that lead people astray rather than help them understand God.

It assumes that prayer is always a request and that those requests are reasonable. You might as well ask, “Do parents give their children what they ask for?” The answer would be, “It depends.” It depends on what the children are asking for. Are we asking God reasonable requests?

It assumes, if prayer is a request, that we know how to ask and what to ask for. It’s the difference between “Give us this day our daily bread,” and “Give me a big fat juicy steak.” The first concerns itself with humble primary needs, and the second with over-stimulated taste buds. We need to ask ourselves, “What should we be asking (praying) for?”

The question, “Does God answer prayer,” is an unfair proposition. It limits prayer to a one-sided understanding — the Yes/No model where God stands on the other side of wall, curtain, or impenetrable barrier. We stick our prayer requests under the door or through latched door, and he hands back his answer, “There!” Or he doesn’t answer at all.

When we make these assumptions, when we reduce God to a Yes/No question, we limit the infinite, indescribable, inconceivable person of God. In the Old Testament, Job and his friends try to explain why Job suffers, who God is, and whether God answers when people cry out . After more than 30 chapters of talking around God, God himself lays into them:

1 Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm. He said:

 2 "Who is this that darkens my counsel
       with words without knowledge?

 3 Brace yourself like a man;
       I will question you,
       and you shall answer me.

 4 "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
       Tell me, if you understand.
                                     [Job 38:1-4]*

God has answers beyond human understanding that make Yes/No propositions look stupid — stupid in the sense that they are without the intelligence, appreciation of the complex, wisdom, caring and love that differentiate humans made in God’s image from all the other creatures of the earth.

So now what? We begin by changing prayer from a question into a conversation, a dialogue, a dynamic relationship, dare I even suggest a dance.

We need to see the path of prayer – that what may seem like a binary answer: 1 or 0, yes or no — is really more like binary code, a series of 1’s and 0’s that act upon one another to produce a far larger, elegant masterpiece.

What may be No at one juncture may be Yes a little further down. What we hear as negatives and positives are simple redirection of our path to an ultimate outcome that we could not have imagined if we just stuck with a solitary Yes or No.

In Isaiah 1:18, God invites us:

      "Come now, let us reason together,"
       says the LORD.
       "Though your sins are like scarlet,
       they shall be as white as snow;
       though they are red as crimson,
       they shall be like wool.  

He says that sin or wrong doing or feeling guilty or the worst that we are — do not have to stay that way forever. God overwrites the presumptions that block us from engaging with Him in meaningful relationship. God himself calmly sits us down and invites us to not so much negotiate a settlement as learn about the deeper matters of the heart with Him as our counselor.

Does God answer prayer? In short yes, always yes if we with him look for the answers together.

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November 4, 2008 – a historic day in American history, the day the United States of America elected its first African American president.

It’s been a strange exercise to be so focused on prayer during the last 17 days running up to today. How nice, or should I say wise of God to move me into this frame of mind during this important election period. Not a political person by nature, I have felt more invested in the process because of praying. I also feel a calm in the aftermath and great hope for our country—and I should qualify that by telling you that I did not vote for Hawaii’s native son but for his opponent, and I feel un-agitated by the results.

That, I am discovering, is the nature of prayer. Conversation and contemplation with God has an equalizing effect, stabilizing life and creating equilibrium when everything else hangs in the balance. I guess we could call it "peace."

People are always asking me how things are going—good, bad, well, hard, happily, terribly could be answers. Most times I don’t really know how to answer honestly. I used to say a lot: “Busy. We’ve been really busy.”

But the truth is that Dan’s and my life is ALWAYS busy. That’s how it's been for 27 years; that's the norm. When are we not caught up in a project, program, problem that rocks our boat? Yup, our boat is pretty much rocking all the time. We man a boat always caught up in gale winds, towering ocean swells, fast currents, rocky coastlines, sweltering noons, and narrow straits. God hasn’t seemed to spare us the full open water experience.

[I should say, before your imaginations run wild, Dan and I are fine. We’re good, really good with each other. We happily share the same boat and neither of us plans to mutiny or sharply nudge the other before yelling, “Man overboard!”]

However, because our lives are ministry, our boat is a Life Boat. Ours is a little dinghy that rescues people amid the storms of life and also shows them how to sail through the storms.

Right now there are people around us who have debilitating diseases, dissolving marriages breaking apart, suicidal thoughts, financial melt downs, personal crises, and anxious, fearful hearts. Dan also has a church to pastor, together we have a separate ministry to continue, and we have children, family and friends we care for. That’s why our boat is always rocking.

More experience is not going to steady our boat. We cannot anticipate every maelstrom, nor get early warning on that rogue wave. Every change in weather means learning a new tact. And when we get caught in a perfect storm, the only thing we can do is ride it out, hang on for dear life, and pray.

That, my friends, is a good thing. We are getting good at riding out storms by praying through them. We pray to seek solutions, but in a storm the fix-its are seldom quick or easy. We pray to understand circumstances, but in a storm those circumstances are frequently beyond our control. We pray to find resolutions, but in a storm the origins are deep, emotional and often not logical. We pray for miracles, and sometimes the miracles look a lot different from the good weather and calm seas we seek.

It makes me think of Jesus calming the storm in Matthew 8:23-26:
Then [Jesus] got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

I am learning that prayer is having Jesus in the boat. Our boats will be rocked: life is rocky. I can guarantee that, whether or not you are in ministry. We just cannot cross the ocean without encountering storms and we cannot control the storms. However, in the tipping and toppling, the swishing and sloshing, Jesus sits in the center and calls us to sit with him and see life from his perspective. He takes us through the ups and downs of life.

Prayer is perspective and patience in a rocking boat, and on a rocky road to Washington.

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C.S. Lewis

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I woke up this morning with an acute awareness of being on a journey learning about prayer that I didn’t really realize I was on until now.

I guess it’s kind of like falling asleep in a car and waking up and discovering that you’re headed out somewhere. The seat was just a seat, and now its become an amenity in transportation.

Or maybe it’s like going out for a walk and finding new roads, trails and neighborhoods that will take a long time to explore and become familiar with.

Most journeys hold both the familiar and yet unknown. And the best journeys take a certain adventuresome nature, held fast by an ability to keep one’s bearings in new territories.

When I was in college at UC Berkeley, I used to take long walks. I’d finish all my work on a Friday afternoon, then reward myself by setting off to explore the neighborhoods. Going on foot with a lightly packed backpack, I’d give myself maybe an hour max in one direction, and then head back, trampling along Berkeley’s funky sidewalks in the musty late afternoon air.

I loved those walks. It was before I started lap swimming. I’d have complete quiet to myself and could do what I wanted. That’s how I found Peet’s Coffee on  Walnut Street on the north side. This was before Peet’s went commercial. You could only buy Peet’s at Peet’s in Berkeley. And they not only had coffee but exotic teas, like Pumphrey’s Blend and an herbal mint composite that no longer exists.

I discovered Nabolom Bakery, stuck behind Sweet Dreams toy store on College Avenue on the south side. I think it was run by a bunch of former Berkeley hippies – fresh ingredients and lots of butter gave the women employees with heads tied up in scarves and faded natural fiber pants smooth, rounded hips. The spectacular danish pastries were a personal treat that I’d take back to my apartment to savor later that night with a cup of hot coffee.

I always timed it carefully. I knew I couldn’t leave later than, say, 4:30 during fall or winter because I needed to get back to my apartment before dark. Some things don’t change: every Cal student knew you should never walk alone at night. But in the late fall and winter afternoons, you could walk fast in the cool air and smell the foliage and sometimes burning fireplaces that you never get in Hawaii.

I used to wonder if seeing me, people thought me strange. I traveled alone and with pretend purpose, walking quickly with head straight ahead as if I knew exactly where I was headed. I didn’t want to be mistaken for a lost soul. I always had a destination: College Avenue on the south side or Solano on the north side. But along the way, I would see things and think things, and when I got to my turn around neighborhood, there were boutiques and neighborhood groceries to peek into. And then I would head back.

This spiritual journey that I have woken up to has that same feeling. God has me out for some exercise beyond my ken. Again, it’s only Him and me with a destination – but one that I am not entirely sure of. I’ve not walked these roads before.

And though the territory is strange, I’m not scared – because I keep looking ahead. My steps are marked with determination even though I’m just a young undergraduate in the university, or should I say universe of spiritual understanding.

I’ve a mild sense of exhilaration, not unlike the adrenaline rush you get from exercising. Moving my spiritual muscles, working them a little harder, pushing them just that much more causes me to breathe deeper and expand – not my lungs – but my being. I am feeling parts of myself come slowly alive, called into use. Maybe that’s what prayer is: a breathing out of our lives and a breathing in of God’s.

Like those Berkeley walks, this journey takes time out of my day. But instead of it being something I put aside at the end of the week as a reward, I’m finding myself in the middle of it every day – not suddenly and strangely lost, as if I had awoken from sleep or amnesia – but more like I’ve been on a journey all along but now I’m looking up and viewing the scenery differently, with more detail and a running commentary from God.

Journey as allegory is a convention in English literature that goes back hundreds of years. Danté and Milton both wrote about trips to paradise and hell. My favored book by C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce likewise talks of a bus ride to heaven. We’re all journeys that we sometimes fail to recognize. When we don’t put ourselves into the hands and guidance of God, maybe we end up like the Israelites wandering in the desert for 40 years, aimless and lost.

Where am I headed on this current journey with God? Lately it’s been inward, marked by introspection and elevated observation of how my small actions fit into God’s grander scheme. I suspect, however, that the inward will also lead me outward as God develops in me new reinforced strength to journey into situations in which I am truly a stranger but somehow look familiar to people I meet.

Coincidentally, I learned a new word tonight: GORK— an acronym used by  medical practitioners for “God Only Really Knows.” That’s my journey right now. No highlighted map for the route I’ll take. No summarized itinerary of sites I’ll visit along the way. And that’s fine, I can live with that. Because as long as God really knows, I will be okay.

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End of Week 2 of our all-church 40-day fast. What am I learning?

Prayer changes me.
Amid the huge ups and downs in the stock market in these last two weeks, prayer has calmed me. It has forced me to seek  a greater perspective, rather than confine my point of view to the day’s gains and losses.

I am learning to look for the quiet places and wait in the long silences where I can listen for God in my head and in my heart.

After I put out the fires in my life (those are easy), I eagerly run to the prayer closet in my mind where I shut the door to everything else that nags me.

I am becoming a better listener – of God and others, not jumping immediately into the conversation but processing conversations at the gut level as well as the head.

I am learning the value of waiting, waiting for God so that we can move forward together.

I am learning to call upon the Holy Spirit to help me understand my own thoughts, to process with the mind of God and take one step at a time.

I am learning restraint in others’ lives, holding back personally guided, well-intended but perhaps unhelpful advice so that they have the privilege of doing the right thing rather than being "told" the right thing.

I’m learning how to make decisions with greater objectivity and less subjectivity. I am discovering the merits of forcing myself to step back and try to put selfish desires in check. When I do, I often find that God has either filled or taken away my need.

I am developing a greater sense of humor and an enlarged attitude of gratitude. I am minding less getting wet when my boat gets rocked.

I am learning to appreciate myself more – the way God made me.

I am learning to accept the differences in others better, working to understand them better and judge them less.

I am developing a new theology about money and eternity – that money is best spent on others and that relationships are the treasures of heaven.

I am reveling more in the pleasure of simply being with God.

I am growing more sensitive to His presence, His nearness, His goodness and faithfulness.

I am learning to talk to God about my heart’s desires, and then give them up to Him.

I am learning to release those I love most to God so that He take them on a journey far beyond my capabilities.

I am feeling a constitutional change that I hope is transforming me into someone who speaks Jesus without saying anything.

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Tonight a friend’s husband who is a semi-practicing Jew but who more honestly calls himself an agnostic — asked Dan and I to pray for him. Here’s his deal, something he’s stated openly for the last year: If God heals me of my chronic health condition, I will become a faithful believer and member of your church touting all its merits.

So we prayed for him — openly, in a public restaurant, eyes closed, hands held. No one could mistaken we were praying. And that’s the interesting thing.

Jake (I’ll call him Jake for anonymity’s purpose) asked US to pray for him. He brought it up. We talked no religion the two and a half hours previous, but now after coffee and dessert, he laid it out.

He reiterated that he acknowledges that God possibly exists because there is no other logical explanation for the creation of the universe. But outside of that he concedes nothing. A Jew, he cannot understand why God, if he really does exist, would allow the atrocities of the Holocaust and many of the other horrors of world history. However, this chronic condition has plagued him since childhood and IF God healed him, Jake would concede everything.

What did I say yesterday (Day 11) about tests? As much as this sounds like a test of God, it really is not so much a test as a request. A request with a familiar ring, a New Testament ring.

Many people came to Jesus because they were at the ends of their ropes. In Matthew 9 we see in succession: a paralytic, the father of a dead daughter, a woman with the 12-year hemorrhage, two blind men, and a demon possessed man. They sought out Jesus because he offered the possibility of hope when all else had failed. These were not tests of God’s existence or power. They were real cries for help. Just like Jake’s.

So we prayed for him. Nothing has happened yet. Maybe when he wakes up tomorrow something will have happened – maybe not. I don’t know if or when God will heal Jake of his physical condition. Yet I know God wants to heal Jake of his spiritual condition, and I think God will because I  see in Jake’s eyes the hope that he can make good on his pact. He wants to be healed, and if he is healed, that’s enough for him to follow Jesus. It would be a good thing.

I think Jake is a seeker. He would like to believe but he doesn’t have a reason. He’s witnessed his believing wife’s experience but he seeks an experience of his own. Don’t we all?

Jake doesn’t want to believe because people told him to, or because it’s smart or fashionable. He doesn’t want to believe by default, or because it seems like a good idea. Jake wants a reason to believe, something he can give first-hand testimony about and attest to down to the core of his being..

Therefore he came to us—not, I think, because Dan’s a pastor, but because he feels he can trust us. That's risky business. Somehow, he feels he can trust us with his weaknesses. He feels safe expressing his doubts. And (I would like to think) he perhaps sees in us an authentic, ongoing experience of Jesus Christ that could fit into his life.

That’s a compliment. That’s the kind of pray-er I am wanting to become more like —someone people feel okay bringing their worst and not just their best. Not just complaints but honest, deep in the hole, help-me-if-you-can-Lord, requests —the ones that say, “Change me.” There's no better prayer.

If you read this, no matter what, no matter when, would you pray with me for Jake? God wants to change all of us, inside and out. I’ll let you know what happens.

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Tonight I am contemplating the age-old question: Does prayer change things?

I started scanning the web for insights and was reminded that Philip Yancey wrote on book on that very topic. Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference? I’ll have to borrow that one from Dan’s library if he has it.

If nothing else, praying changes me . My praying – the act of prayer – changes ME. Whether I am praying for someone else or praying for myself, whether long or short, public or personal, I come away from the space that prayer creates as a changed person.

Maybe in our prayers. That is the starting point. Our attitude, understanding, and response when transformed by leaning into God shapes our interactions with others. We are the beginning of their chain reaction, or should I say “change” reaction.

James writes in his epistle (James 5:13-16):
Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

James' instructions are about taking the initiative and responding in prayer whatever our current condition. Prayer is about taking steps in God’s direction. Maybe when we open the door a smudge wider, others get a wider view of the other side, and that then changes them.

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Oswald Chambers’ reading yesterday (October 26) for My Utmost for His Highest  - read one day late, caught my eye this morning. It says:

WHAT IS A MISSIONARY?
"As My Father hath sent Me, even so send I you." John 20:21

A missionary is one sent by Jesus Christ as He was sent by God. The great dominant note is not the needs of men, but the command of Jesus. The source of our inspiration in work for God is behind, not before. The tendency to-day is to put the inspiration ahead, to sweep everything in front of us and bring it all out to our conception of success. In the New Testament the inspiration is put behind us, the Lord Jesus. The ideal is to be true to Him, to carry out His enterprises.

Personal attachment to the Lord Jesus and His point of view is the one thing that must not be overlooked. In missionary enterprise the great danger is that God's call is effaced by the needs of the people until human sympathy absolutely overwhelms the meaning of being sent by Jesus. The needs are so enormous, the conditions so perplexing, that every power of mind falters and fails. We forget that the one great reason underneath all missionary enterprise is not first the elevation of the people, nor the education of the people, nor their needs; but first and foremost the command of Jesus Christ - "Go ye therefore, and teach all nations."

When looking back on the lives of men and women of God the tendency is to say - What wonderfully astute wisdom they had! How perfectly they understood all God wanted! The astute mind behind is the Mind of God, not human wisdom at all. We give credit to human wisdom when we should give credit to the Divine guidance of God through childlike people who were foolish enough to trust God's wisdom and the supernatural equipment of God.

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I translated and reinterpreted that into “What is an Intercessor?”  - the second line striking a chord:

“The great dominant note is not the needs of men but the command of Jesus .”

I realized that in praying for others, we can so easily get caught up in their needs rather than God’s answer. Mercy, or maybe more accurately human sympathy, makes the best of us and we want their prayers to be answered just as they requested it.

Today in our staff meeting, Jenny who is 9 months minus 2 weeks pregnant (she’s due Nov 13) asked, “Pray that my labor starts right after I drop Grant off at preschool in the morning. That way I’ll be all dressed, Grant will be taken care of while I’m in labor, and basing it on Grant’s 8-hour labor, I should have the baby just in time for Carl to pick up Grant from school and then visit me in the hospital.”

Jenny was kidding – okay, only half kidding because it would be really convenient for it to work out that way – but she was honest enough with her friends to share her specific request with God, and we loved her for it.

God doesn’t mind; but he also doesn’t always answer in those specific ways. Because then Who would be God? Who would be in control and without knowledge and understanding of how all the other pieces of the puzzle fit. As Oswald writes, we want the answer to be “our conception of success.”

Now it’s one thing to request that of God – and that’s totally okay because we are limited in our perception of the possibilities out there, so we plan and ask for what is possible.

But an intercessor, if we want to truly pray the best for those for whom we intercede, we need to lay down the request and ask for the even more that is God’s answer to prayer.

There is no way that we can anticipate God’s better, fuller, more complex, elegant, indescribable solution. I am learning that the best we can do is anticipate a semblance of what that might look like but leave the details up to God.

As intercessors, we must cultivate a playfulness, a willingness to change the rules, the rewards, the winner. It’s what Chambers says in the last line: [we must be] childlike people who were foolish enough to trust God's wisdom and the supernatural equipment of God.

That says to me that we can delight in God’s answers if we trust him.

The other thought I have been playing with today came up in my Sunday small group as we talked yesterday about Predestination and being chosen – or in non Presbyterian terms, knowing that we have an eternal life with God. We know the end story. We know what will happen at the end of this earthly life, and we know that God will make a new heaven and earth at the end of the world’s story.

If we know the end, then, perhaps our concern should be not what happens at the end but our journey there. How will we spend that journey? God has given us extreme freedom in getting to the end, and we can choose how will we work through the process. Will it be with Him or without Him? Will it be alone or with others? We can choose to fight God and others all the way. Or we can choose to appreciate the company God’s given us and laugh, cry, learn together. We can choose to disagree with God and act the distasteful contrarian. Or we can indulge ourselves in the myriad of experiences that God wants to see us through.

Who would have thought this 40  Day Fast would hold so much? At the outset, I thought of it as a desert, a deprivation, a getting through. But I am learning so much. It's like discovering every cactus has a flower, every desert an oasis, and learning to walk without fear in the cool and dark of night.

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Day 8
As God would have it, Day 8 was a Sunday and spent in the active practice of prayer at our church. Interesting, huh?

It came in two parts. Dan’s sermon was on Samson and his misuse of his gifts. He challenged us to consider whether we were using the gifts God has given so generously to each of us for ourselves or for the kingdom. At the end of the worship service, Dan he an invitation to people to either make a first time commitment to following Jesus Christ.

Oh me of little faith, I was startled in the third service, the smallest of our services, to see people jumping out of their seats and streaming down the aisle until there was no room at the front. They came alone. They came hugging spouses and friends. And there were lots of tears.

Seeing that Dan did not have enough elders and prayer team members to pray with people, I went forward to help and ended up praying with two women. I never know exactly what to pray with these people, not knowing their stories and not wanting to assume anything. But it is always a privilege to welcome their further step into God’s arms.

I know that every step is part of the process of God unfolding our lives. Moments like these are markers – but I am always praying, hoping that they don’t become plateaus. Decisions to follow Christ are not accomplishments but opening a door. I asked the Holy Spirit to become even more real in the two people with whom I prayed. He really is the best teacher, and His powerful filling is the fastest way to discovering intimacy with God.

The second part was our healing service in the evening. I was disappointed that the two men, as it turned out, didn’t have an obvious health problems that we could test for healing right away. Instead, they had long-term issues, one a chronic health condition, the other a long separation from his children because of unresolvable marital difficulties. Those were hard. I had no answers, no wisdom. I felt no overwhelming passion or strong connection.

But I guess God just wanted me to pray with them and offer comfort. I’m hoping that God used my gift of a listening ear and a comforting word.

I’m learning that as a pray-er, I don’t have the answers. That’s not my job or responsibility. They thirst but I don’t have the contents, only the cup that I can carry to their lips.

I am learning to become detached and not be anxious for the answer they want.

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End of the first seven days and first week of our church fasting

What I’m Learning About Prayer
Most prayers aren’t answered the way we want them answered. We want our problems to go away immediately and without any residual aftereffects as if the need for prayer never existed. We want a miracle and we want it now.

But it just doesn’t happen that way. That’s a statistical fact. Few people are healed instantly, even less raised from the dead. Financial worries don’t disappear over night. That prodigal son or daughter returns home but with most of the same baggage. Traumas leave scars. Yet, prayers are still answered, and they are no less miraculous.

I’m learning there is always a cost—time, space, resources, emotions, strength. The answers to our prayers take time, not just the minutes, days or years ticking away, but time from others who sit down with us while the answer comes to completion. They require moving things around. They requires others to give. They task us, and tire us.

Couldn’t God just zap it!? He could, but what would we learn – about others and about ourselves? We develop patience because we have to wait. We become compassionate because we begin to feel deeply. We find wisdom when the answers are not easy. We love others when we walk slowly through their lives with them.

Prayer is a gift. That we could talk to the Creator and know that He is listening, that we could pour out our feelings to Someone who can absorb all the pain and frustration and helplessness that wracks our bodies, that we can know that when we have reached our human limitations we can reach toward the Divine — that and the even more of prayer is a continually unwrapping gift. We can never empty out the gift of prayer.

And intercessory prayer, I am learning, is not the onerous, laborious, heavily depressing task that it appears. Praying for others and their needs is helping me understand eternity and how long God’s arm is. Praying for my friends does not drop like a heavy stone into my life, as if the answers were my responsibility. Instead, praying for those whom God has called me feels like a gift because I can help them carry the weight. Carry the weight, not hold the weight – carry it to God.

How do I know God answers prayers? Because He has answered prayers in my life, few the way I demanded, but perfectly in the way He deconstructs them and reconstructs me.

Prayer does change me, and when I am changed I can do the thing I could not, would not do before. It enables me to give without thought of myself, to love others with the mirrors faced outward.


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On my prayer list
My financial advisor and his staff as they help clients be heavenly minded with our earthly treasures.
A young friend getting married next week whose job future is uncertain
A daughter whose mother has a critical heart problem in need of surgery
Friends whose employers have announced job cuts
A mom who learned recently that both her adult children have genetically based auto-immune disorders
Our country, the upcoming elections, the candidates and their families and staff
My family, my children, Dan my husband
The healing service at 1st Pres Honolulu at Koolau tomorrow (today), October 26, 2008

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